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Sinning never felt so good…
A fortuitous encounter.
A meeting that should never have happened.
Many years ago, two children from completely different worlds forged a connection, a fateful connection, an unbreakable bond that would change their lives forever…
Salome knows only one way to live—under Prophet David’s rule. In the commune she calls home, Salome knows nothing of life beyond her strict faith, nor of life beyond the Fence—the fence that cages her, keeps her trapped in an endless cycle of misery. A life she believes she is destined to always lead, until a horrific event sets her free.
Fleeing the absolute safety of all she has ever known, Salome is thrust into the world outside, a frightening world full of uncertainty and sin; into the protective arms of a person she believed she would never see again.
River ‘Styx’ Nash knows one thing for certain in life—he was born and bred to wear a cut. Raised in a turbulent world of sex, Harleys, and drugs, Styx, unexpectedly has the heavy burden of the Hades Hangmen gavel thrust upon him, and all at the ripe old age of twenty-six—much to his rivals’ delight.
Haunted by a crushing speech impediment, Styx quickly learns to deal with his haters. Powerful fists, an iron jaw and the skillful use of his treasured German blade has earned him a fearsome reputation as a man not to be messed with in the shadowy world of outlaw MC’s. A reputation that successfully keeps most people far, far away.
Styx has one rule in life—never let anyone get too close. It’s a plan that he has stuck to for years, that is, until a young woman is found injured on his lot… a woman who looks uncannily familiar, a woman who clearly does not belong in his world, yet a woman he feels reluctant to let go…
** A Dark Contemporary MC Romance/New Adult Novel. Contains sexual situations, violence, sensitive and taboo subjects, offensive language and mature topics. Recommended for age 18 years and up**
Tillie Cole hails from a small town in the North-East of England. She grew up on a farm with her English mother, Scottish father and older sister and a multitude of rescue animals. As soon as she could, Tillie left her rural roots for the bright lights of the big city.
After graduating from Newcastle University with a BA Hons in Religious Studies, Tillie followed her Professional Rugby player husband around the world for a decade, becoming a teacher in between and thoroughly enjoyed teaching High School students Social Studies before putting pen to paper, and finishing her first novel.
Tillie has now settled in Austin, Texas, where she is finally able to sit down and write, throwing herself into fantasy worlds and the fabulous minds of her characters.
Tillie is both an independent and traditionally published author, and writes many genres including: Contemporary Romance, Dark Romance, Young Adult and New Adult novels.
When she is not writing, Tillie enjoys nothing more than curling up on her couch watching movies, drinking far too much coffee, while convincing herself that she really doesn’t need that extra square of chocolate.
Series: Gravity Series #1
Author: A.B. Bloom
Genre: YA Paranormal Romance
They are calling it the End of Days. The world is plunging into darkness, the days growing shorter and the nights longer. Meteor showers are falling to the earth and there are some who would take advantage of the growing darkness.
For sixteen-year-old Bronte Bell, her problems are closer to home. Since her birthday she's become weaker, her bones breaking, her hair falling out and plagued with constant migraines. No one can explain why. Until a mysterious new boy arrives and tells her that everything is not as it seems. She is not what she seems.
Drawn into a war that divides the sky, Bronte is torn between her desire to save the world and her growing connection with Nick. But she will have to let go of reality as she knows it, if she is to accept her role in destiny before the Hunter, who has been tracking her since birth, finds and destroys any chance she has of making the choice which is her birthright to make.
Her destiny will change everything.
“My excitement about this book is beyond controllable! I want, no I need EVERYONE to read this book. It's the author's first Paranormal book, but I guarantee you its AMAZING!!” ~Willow’s Corner 5 Star Review
“This story is so refreshing. So beautiful so different. It left me speechless and content at the end. I was like: yes. That was IT.” ~Heavenly Good Books 5 Star Review
"Listen. Can you just take the cap off? It's annoying me."He laughed, an unexpected sound. He seemed too intense to be the kind of person to laugh. "Well, I'd hate to annoy you." He swept the cap off, leaving a shock of jet-black hair standing on end."Oh." My mouth fell open."Oh, what?" His eyes narrowed and I snapped my mouth shut.“Nothing." I took a few breaths, just to make sure I was alive and there was the slimmest chance this was real. "So, am I going to ask the questions or are you going to talk?"He laughed again, and I was sure his body pitched a little bit closer to mine. Violet eyes pinned me in place and I struggled to remember how to swallow. "When you were seven you decided you wanted to climb trees."My body stiffened. "Yes?""There's a fir tree in your back garden that's easily sixty feet high.""Yes?""What do you remember about the time you fell?" The violets flickered at me. "It was August and scorching hot, you were wearing red shorts and a yellow T-shirt. You fell through the branches like a pine cone?"I stared up into his face, his skin was dark olive, eyes burning bright. My tongue ran along my lips while my heart made a terrible thudding noise in my chest. "I don't." I whispered. "I woke up and I was on the ground.""I know. I caught you." My body stepped back although his hand darted out and snatched hold of mine. "Bronte, I've been watching you your whole life. I know it sounds weird." His nose scrunched as he contemplated just how weird it sounded."Why?""Because," he ran a hand through his hair, making it stick up at electrifying angles. “Because you're the last of the star children. The last of the half born."
I rubbed my thigh, which was already aching with that heavy lead sensation that comes from a dead limb, and tried to gain my footing."Easy there." A hand jutted out and grasped my elbow, stabilising me as I threatened to topple again."Sorry," I mumbled. My cheeks were glowing a vicious, volcanic, burn. I could live without Eleanor Heavers finding out I'd fallen over not once, but twice on the first day. I knew she would, though. Gossip spread through the school like fire through a parched forest."You seem to be vertically challenged." The voice was soft, bringing a low bell to mind. My stomach felt all squishy, which was odd when combined with numb legs.My eyes snapped up into the shadowed face of the boy from the picnic bench. His face tilted under the worn peak of his baseball cap. His features obscured in shadows so I couldn’t get a good look at the caps owner. "I am not." I stated. My blatant lie made the burn running along my cheeks intensify until I was uncomfortably hot. He was scrutinising me and I didn't know why. I stood there, while from under the cap, I knew he was evaluating what he saw. I prickled, straightening my shoulders. I didn't exactly march off down the corridor in outrage at his blatant presumptuous scrutiny. I just kind of suspended there while he stared from under the cap. "No?" he asked. His fingers still held my elbow, and I tried to peer closer so I could see him better. It was an impulse I couldn’t ignore and I shifted forward."You also don't seem to grasp the concept of personal space.” He stepped away, breaking the spell that had pulled me towards him. The burning flush transformed into an all out uncomfortable sweat."Sorry, I was just. Um, just." What was I doing? "Just, what?" The voice sounded like it might be amused if it could be arsed."Just trying to see you." The words blurted from my mouth, clanging into the air around me like boulders into a small rain puddle."Trying to see what?" As he spoke, my bag slipped off my shoulder. It smashed onto the floor with the heavy thud that twenty overdue library books will make. I scrambled to pick up the mess."You," I said. Glancing up, I looked to see his reaction to my outrageous declaration, but there was nobody there. Just me and an empty hallway and the bell tolling on the wall, telling me I was late for my first class.
I'm Anna Bloom a contemporary romance writer.
My heart lies with mature young adult, I just love writing about first love and the trials and tribulations of young romance. When I do write for adults I like it to be about second chances, not only in love but in life itself.
I live in Surrey with my husband, three children, two cats and a dog with a beard. I love cooking, especially if I'm also holding a glass of wine at the same time. I'm trying to get into growing my own veg . . . but I may just stick to writing books.
Currently I'm enjoying time at home with my new baby who's only a few months old and writing on a full time basis. When I can I love to read and watch all things supernatural on the telly : )
I'm a big believer in true love, even the instant kind and I'm at my happiest when I'm writing stories about it for other people to enjoy.
Title: Sasha's Dilemma
Author: TL Smith
Genre: Romantic Suspense
Release Date: March 5, 2014
LOVE— it’s a common word that people take for granted. As for me, Sasha Adams, I have seen that love isn’t everything, though sometimes it’s meant to be. But to be honest, I never wanted it. That has been my plan for as long as I can remember. The only person I ever wanted to love is my sister Lola. But then I met not one no, not even two— but three beautiful men.
Dylan, the doctor, had his head screwed on tight. Josh, well, he was a tattooed sex machine playboy. Then there was Brax, the rock star. It was clear they all wanted my heart, but I wouldn’t give it to any of them willingly.
Unwillingly, I fell hard, but there was a part of me that knew he could destroy me. So I refused to give him all of me, and now he’s returned and determined to win me back. But it’s too late, isn’t it?
T.L Smith Lover of chocolate, books, but mostly words.
T.L Smith loves to travel, loves to shop for books, sometimes shoes
Don’t be shy about contacting T.L Smith, she doesn’t bite, hard!
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Amber Walker and her older brother, Jake, have an abusive father. One night her brother's best friend, Liam, sees her crying and climbs through her bedroom window to comfort her. That one action sparks a love/hate relationship that spans over the next eight years.
Liam is now a confident, flirty player who has never had a girlfriend before. Amber is still emotionally scarred from the abuse she suffered at the hands of her father. Together they make an unlikely pair.
Their relationship has always been a rocky one, but what happens when Amber starts to view her brother's best friend a little differently? And how will her brother, who has always been a little overprotective, react when he finds out that the pair are growing closer? Find out in The Boy Who Sneaks In My Bedroom Window.
FREE FROM 11TH-13TH NOVEMBER
Charlotte Groves, or Lottie to her friends, is a beautiful, rich and privileged member of Hawkstown’s elite and country club circle.
Getting what you want, when you want, should be a matter of course. Unless the one thing you want more than anything, doesn’t feel the same way.
Flo, Neely and Dolly are Lottie’s self-proclaimed Soul Sisters and have supported her through the trials and tribulations of growing up, helping her live a normal life and keeping her grounded when her parents believe she’s a princess on a pedestal. In an effort to please the guy she’s yearned for, Lottie finds herself agreeing to keeping up country club appearances and playing the fake girlfriend for the town’s entrepreneur and hot bad boy, Oli Hart.
What started out as a mutual arrangement, veers widely off course when disastrous events unfold in Lottie’s life. Struggling to cope with the after math, Lottie decides it’s time she lived her life for herself, ignoring the entitled reality she’s become used to and the arrangement with Oli that gives him the freedom she so desperately yearns for.
Fated Love is the third passion filled installment in the Soul Sisters Series.
This book contains strong sexual content, explicit language and is intended for mature readers of 18+ Meet Charlotte Groves, country club privileged princess...
‘What happens when your perfectly crafted life falls apart?
* * *
A stand-alone novel, part of the Soul Sisters Series.
Universal link: getBook.at/vjfatedlove
Victoria Johns on Amazon:
Book: Finding Love
Series: The Soul Sisters Series Book 4
Author: Victoria Johns Author
Publishing: 18th November 2016
❥❥ Blurb ❥❥
The Soul Sisters...
Lottie, Dolly, Neely and Florence - four friends, who connect and understand each other. They stand side by side, no matter what.
But what happens when one walks away?
‘This is my story. I am Florence Smith,
desperately looking for my happy ever after.
At whatever cost...’
When Florence seeks freedom from the life she can’t have, she is swept off her feet - dreaming of romance like all the classic love stories she adores.
But freedom couldn’t be further away...
* * *
“Beautiful, bittersweet, brutal and ballsy...”
Nikki Ashton, best-selling Amazon Author
❥❥ Pre-Order Links ❥❥
Universal link: getBook.at/vjfindinglove
❥❥ About the Author: ❥❥
Victoria is a Cheshire based writer with a wild imagination for steamy stories and believes it's every girl's dream to experience a racy one. She says that she loves to day dream and realises that having a powerful imagination is a super power. Victoria’s writing has been described as “A badass fairy tale where a beautiful real girl meets a protective guy who will move the earth and stars to give her that happily ever after.” She says that her kind of fairy tales are full of girls with life-long friendships, hot guys, twists and turns and the odd villain or two! She is a happily married mum who is lucky enough to have a found her fairy tale prince and hopes that her readers enjoy her stories as much as she has loved creating them.
Victoria Johns on Amazon:
For ARC copy and further information, please contact:
Website & blog: www.victoriajohnsbooks.com
Facebook: Victoria Johns Author
★★★Predator is on SALE for ONLY .99c and FREE on KU★★★
💕 Limited Time Only 💕
💕 Blurb 💕
All my life I’ve been hiding, until there is no corner on this god-forsaken earth left for me to hide. I have to pay for the sins of my father. No one with Ellison blood in their veins is allowed to live, and I am the last of my bloodline.
I am kept in a container waiting for my death sentence to be carried out, when he comes. He is only known as ‘Predator’. No one knows who he works for, only that he leaves no one alive.
His every breath is filled with the last gasp of his dying prey.
But for some reason he doesn’t kill me.
I don’t know which is worse, the death sentence hanging over my head, or being at his mercy.
#Predator #Suspense #Romance #NewRelease#MustRead #1Click #pdf1 #StandAlone #Thriller#Crime #KindleUnlimited #Kindle #KindleUS#KindleUK #FREEonKU #BestSeller#HotNewRelease #99CentSale #99cSale
Coming Nov 2nd 2016 … are you ready?
💕 Blurb 💕
I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty happy-go-lucky kind of person. I wanted to save the world, or at least leave my stamp behind. In my own naïve way I thought I could bribe karma but life has a way of teaching us lessons.
I never knew how selfish I was until my life was ripped away from me.
I’m forced to watch as they torture and kill my family … and I know I’m next.
I hear their screams.
I watch them die.
It’s the worst kind of torture
Then he comes. He made a promise to my brother. It’s the only thing keeping him bound to me.
A promise to protect me.
I should set him free of the promise … but I don’t. He’s my shield against karma. He’s my protector.
#ComingSoon #Protector #Suspense #Romance#MustRead #TBR #pdf
Series: Black Shamrocks MC
Author: Kylie Hillman
Genre: MC Romance
Seizing Control (Black Shamrocks MC #1) - AVAILABLE NOW FREE
Soothing Suffering (Black Shamrocks MC #1.5) - RELEASING 10/25
Making Choices (Black Shamrocks MC #2) - AVAILABLE NOW
Seeking Redemption (Black Shamrocks MC #3) - AVAILABLE NOW
Conquering Circumstances (Black Shamrocks MC #3.5) - AVAILABLE NOW
Tempting Fate (Black Shamrocks MC #4) - AVAILABLE NOW
Finding Nirvana Black Shamrocks MC #5) - RELEASING 10/25
Enter the $20 gift card and paperback of
Seizing Control, Black Shamrock MC #1 giveaway
over on Kylie’s Facebook Page
Only daughter of the volatile President of the Black Shamrocks MC and long-suffering sister to four overprotective brothers, Madelaine O'Brien has survived circumstances that would have broken a lesser woman. Mikhail "Mad Dog" Kennedy is her salvation, her reward for continuing to fight, and the matching piece of her soul. With her life happy and on track, will the reappearance of the monster from her past be the event that finally breaks her? Or will he be the catalyst she needs to put it all behind her, once and for all? They say when life gives you lemons; make lemonade. What happens when life keeps sending you demons who refuse to stay buried? Do you lie down and accept defeat or rise to the seemingly unwinnable challenge, and start SEIZING CONTROL? Disclaimer: This story contains graphic situations that may not be suitable for all readers.
With the woman he loves—the woman he failed— fading away before his eyes, Mikhail Kennedy knows he needs to do something drastic to save her. To save himself. If she flinches away from his touch one more time, his guilt-ridden heart is going to shatter into a million pieces.
Madelaine O'Brien knows she's drowning. The after effects of what happened to her are slowly killing her will to live; yet, she can't find the strength to stop it. Keeping everything a secret is the only option. Her internal battle to fight off her feelings of contamination and shame is hard enough without needing to explain to the Black Shamrocks MC what really happened with her crazy ex-boyfriend.
When Mik comes home and tosses her motorcycle helmet into her hands, declaring that they're going to ride for as long as it takes for Maddi to open up to him, she realizes this is make-or-break. The trip is either going to push their relationship past the point of no return or it's going to be their chance to set about SOOTHING SUFFERING.
DISCLAIMER: This book contains depictions of graphic situations and is not suitable for all readers.
From the outside, it appears that Juliette Patrice has the perfect life. Her career is her number one priority, matched only by her desire to fulfill her parent’s enormous expectations.
Lucas 'Timber' Blake is the Sergeant-At-Arms of the Black Shamrocks MC. A violent man who cares only for his Club and his family, he's wrong for Juliette in every logical way.
Still dealing with the fallout from the explosive events earlier in the year, Lucas is tested further when Juliette is dragged into the middle of the war between rival Clubs. A war that's already had fatal consequences.
Common sense tells her to run. Her emotions compel her to stay. The time has arrived for Juliette to begin MAKING CHOICES.
DISCLAIMER: This book contains depictions of graphic situations and is not suitable for all readers
Some would say Benjamin O’Brien has finally reached it. When you’ve ruined your life and brought your loved ones to their knees in the process, you would assume you couldn’t fall any further.
Lacey Marquis is done. Broken. Shattered. Ruined. Deserted by the man she thought was the love of her life, she’s reached her breaking point.
It takes a lot to make the Black Shamrocks MC abandon their family, yet Benji has almost managed it. When the Club discovers Lacey’s involvement in his deception, they’re both given one final chance. Make amends or die; it's that simple.
When two scarred souls find each other in the midst of chaos, is it possible for them to be the strength the other needs? Or will their individual demons prevent the other from SEEKING REDEMPTION?
DISCLAIMER: This book contains depictions of graphic situations and is not suitable for all readers.
Wendy Markham. Gentle. Compassionate. Loyal. Step-mother to five headstrong children, long-time partner of the cantankerous ex-President of the Black Shamrocks MC, and the woman everyone turns to in a crisis.
Patrick “Beast” O’Brien. Brutal. Merciless. Duplicitous. A father in name only, traitor to his own Club, and a man living on borrowed time.
He’s broken all of the rules, hurt the one’s closest to him, and then run away like a coward. She’s been left behind to clean up his mess. Pouring every ounce of energy into their abandoned children, the last thing Wendy needs is for her own health to fail.
Facing the battle of a lifetime and determined to protect everyone from the fallout, she forges ahead alone. In the meantime, Beast’s found that putting your ego above your family makes for a lonely life. When he discovers Wendy’s secret, will he learn the true value of what he threw away and find the capacity to commence CONQUERING CIRCUMSTANCES?
Her soul mate versus her family?
Whatever they chose, someone loses.
Mik and Maddi. Mad Dog and his Angel. Mikhail Kennedy and Madelaine O'Brien. One without the other just doesn't seem right. They're made for each other; soul mates who've survived every obstacle thrown in their way.
It should be smooth sailing from now on. Mik taking his rightful place as the President of the Black Shamrocks MC with his woman by his side. Maddi free from the demons that plague her, finally back in the tender embrace of the love of her life.
Revenge. That dish best served cold. The need for it is eating Mik up inside. Filling him with hatred and blinding him to Maddi's struggle. He wants to avenge every wrong done to them while she wishes to forgive and forget.
A life filled with love and happiness ought to be their destiny. A future filled with pain and regret appears to be the actual outcome. With the love they've fought so hard to protect at stake, can they let go of the past and stop TEMPTING FATE?
DISCLAIMER: This book contains depictions of graphic situations and is not suitable for all readers.
It's said that only in our darkest hour do we find light. That may be true for the lucky ones. When your light has been extinguished and pitch-black bleakness has taken hold, you could be excused for doubting that it will ever be reignited.
In the past when people mentioned Joel O'Brien, they talked about "the quiet one". The boy who was the family's voice of reason and their go-to guy for wisdom well beyond his years. Nowadays, they whisper about the "crippled one". The man who radiates darkness, who wallows in his self-pity, and refuses to find a way to deal with the injuries he sustained at the beginning of the war that's threatening to engulf the Black Shamrocks MC.
Sascha Koswalski is the light of her family's life. With a smile that could brighten the day of the most hard-hearted, the single mother's innate exuberance lessens the pain of her physiotherapy clients. She's yet to find a patient who doesn't respond to her sunny nature and skilled hands.
Until Joel. The stubborn, angry man might be the one patient she fails. Unable to crack his protective shell, Sascha is on the verge of giving up when Joel shows her another side of himself. Buoyed by the knowledge that there is a man filled with hope hiding underneath his cold veneer, can the physiotherapist rehabilitate more than his broken body? Will she be the light that reignites his belief in himself and sets them both on the path to FINDING NIRVANA?
DISCLAIMER: This book contains depictions of graphic situations and is not suitable for all readers.
Wife to a Harley-riding, boating and fishing, four-wheel driving quintessential Aussie bloke.
Mum to two crazy, adorable, and original kids.
Crohn's Disease sufferer and awareness campaigner.
She’s also an avid tea drinker, a connoisseur of 80s/90s rock music, and is known for lacing everything she says with sarcasm and inappropriate innuendo.
Formerly working in finance, she was forced to reevaluate her plans for her life when severe Crohn's Disease brought her corporate career to a screeching halt. Restarting her childhood hobbies of writing and reading to alleviate the monotony of being sick and housebound, she found her calling, and is enjoying life to the max. A typical day is spent in the "real" world where she hangs out with her awesome family and "book" world where she gets to chill with her fictional characters.
Kylie writes the books she wants to read. A lover of strong men who aren't perfect and aren't afraid to admit it, straight talking women who embrace their vulnerabilities, and real life gritty stories, she hopes these themes shine through her writing. An avid reader of all genres, Kylie hopes to release books that keep the reader on the edge of their seat—be it with suspense, romance, or laughter.
Author: BJ Harvey
Genre: Romantic Suspense Standalone
Cover Designed by: Najla Qamber Designs
Back Cover Image Photography: K Keeton Designs
Back Cover Models: Storm Bailey and Cameo Hopper
A dark urge I’ve failed to resist despite years of trying to do that very thing.
I’ve forced myself to hide behind a mask, a perfect orchestration to hide my true self.
After I met her, my wants and needs, my inner most desires changed.
She encouraged me to embrace who I truly am, and she was willing to do anything and everything I wanted, giving herself to satisfy my most carnal appetite.
Then everything in my carefully managed world came crashing down around me. A moment in time, a loss of control, and the very thing I cherish was nearly taken from me.
My fate now lies in her hands.
The very life I’ve built for myself…everything I’ve ever done now waits in purgatory, all caused by a lack of focus at a time when my most concentrated attention was needed.
The very thing I crave may now be the end of me.
"Crave is the type of book that lovers of romance can’t not like!" - Beauty and the Beastly books
"From the opening lines, Harvey had me invested, her prose exquisite, I was enraptured almost instantly" - Glass Paper Ink Book Blog
"The characters were so flawed and complex that i was completely enraptured by their story." - Lunaland Books
"Crave is definitely a wild ride with an end that I never saw coming." - Goodreads Reviewer
BJ Harvey is the USA Today Bestselling Author of the Bliss Series. She also regards herself as a smut peddler, suspense conjurer and a funny romance thinker upper.
An avid music fan, you will always find her singing some hit song badly but loving every minute of it.
She’s a wife, a mom to two beautiful girls, and hails from what she considers as the best country in the world—New Zealand.
Struggle: Part Two in the Crossing Desires Series
Author: Megs Pritchard
Genre: M/M Novella
Published: September 21, 2016
This book contains explicit M/M sexual scenes and strong language. It is intended for mature, adult audiences only.
There is a trigger scene within this book. It includes a hostage scene and leads up to but doesn't include a rape.
The final episode in Tony and Will’s story.
After his encounter with Will, Tony was left more confused than ever. He’d never expected to experience the sensations, the pleasure that Will had brought out in him and it had excited, but confused him.
After every encounter, Tony was left more disturbed at the level of arousal that Will could create in his body. The emotional conflict Tony faced, wanting to continue and wanting to run away were tearing him apart.
Just when Tony thought he could handle and accept his attraction to a man and finally move their relationship forward, a man from his past threatens to destroy the fragile trust Tony is developing.
Will their burgeoning relationship survive and continue, or will the shadows of his past prove too much for Tony?
Will he fight for Tony or will he walk away?
Is Tony too much trouble or a man worth waiting for?
Megs Pritchard lives in England and is a mother to two small boys. When she isn’t working or being mummy, she is busy writing about complex characters that know the harsh realities of life but want a HEA.
A lover of M/M and M/F romances she believes everyone deserves to be happy, healthy and loved.
Growing up in a military family, Megs has travelled Europe and has a great deal of respect and gratitude for all the men and women who have and who still serve. Her dream job was to be a Bomb Disposal Expert and even had her own ‘kit’ when she was younger.
She is currently working on her first full-length series called Second Chances.
Free for a limited time on
It was never supposed to happen. 'We' never should have happened.
He and I... Our constantly crossing paths changed the unthinkable to the inevitable.
It was magical, exhilarating, and life defining... despicable, and it ruined everything.
It destroyed me.
It destroyed us.
He and I is what happened before.
And everything else is what happened after…
I look up and see Will step into the kitchen from the pantry. He looks a mess. He looks how I feel. I try to speak, but no words come out of my mouth.
“I-I made breakfast. I tried to make it healthy. You’ve been talking a lot about that lately, and I’ve listened,” he says, his blue eyes encapsulated by puffy eyelids. His hair is completely disheveled, as if he’s run his hands through it a thousand times. His five o’clock shadow is pronounced and his dimples absent because his lips are pressed so firmly together.
This is the first time I’ve looked at him since I found out. The first time I’ve ever looked at the man I married and felt anything but love, hope, and strength. It’s funny how a few hours have changed everything for us.
Seeing him makes my emotions crash against each other. Each second I stand here, I become more enraged. How could he do something so stupid, so selfish, and so… unforgivable? And he stands here like nothing has happened, as if we’re going to eat breakfast together and everything will be okay?! Nothing will be okay. I realize this as I stand in my kitchen in front of him, the same place he and his whore ate with me and sat with our family.
“I can’t believe you did this to us.” The words are automatic, as if triggered by his presence. They hurt to speak but hurt even more to hold in.
His voice breaks as he tries to approach me, but I step back and push my arms out to let him know to stay back.
“Please, just let me explain,” he begs. His voice sounds pained, and my heart aches for him—for me
“I can’t. I can’t. I don’t want to hear it, and there’s nothing that you can explain. Anything you say will only make things worse!” I’m frantic. It’s a lie; I want to know everything, but I don’t think I can survive hearing it.
“Gwen, you’re my best friend,” he says with tears in his eyes.
I have to turn away. I grab a chair to keep my balance. To see him like this hurts, but I can’t hurt for him. He didn’t hurt for me. I don’t even know if he hurts for me now. I’m sure he hurts for himself.
“I never meant to hurt you. I know how that sounds, but if I could take it back―”
“You did hurt me! Worse than anything I’ve ever experienced, and you cannot take it back.” My voice is loud and unrecognizable.
His gaze isn’t on me but set on the floor instead.
“In our home, William. How could you? With Lisa of all people!” I’m close to screaming at the top of my lungs.
“There’s no excuse for what I did,” he whispers.
His words make me want to throw something. To see him broken… I haven’t seen him like this since I was sick. A chill shoots down my spine.
“Were you seeing her when I was sick?” I ask cautiously. I don’t know if I can take hearing the answer. His eyes widen, and he approaches me; I retreat again.
“No. I stopped before I found out you lost our child,” he promises.
The pain of that memory shoots through me. I know he thinks what he said should give me some consolation, but it doesn’t. It tears open a wound I’ve tried to forget, a wound that has become purulent. “You stopped out of pity. You stopped out of a sense of duty, guilt, and a mournful promise but not out of love. Do you love her?”
He shakes his head. “It’s always been you, Gwen—”
My eyes narrow on his. “Except when you were screwing her.”
He looks defeated, as though he’s given up and realized there’s absolutely nothing he can say to fix this. I feel as though my soul is beginning to crumble. I can’t talk to him about this. I can’t think about this.
“I need you to leave.”
“Gwen, please. I’ll give you time. I owe you that, but we can get past this.” His voice deepens with each word to the more familiar, authoritative tone I’m used to from him instead of the sad, broken one.
“How dare you!” I scream. “You have a daughter, William! A daughter! How can we get past that? Tell me?!”
He covers his face. “I didn’t know.” He attempts to touch me again, and I swat him away.
“You didn’t know? You think that makes it better?” My whole body shakes as I shed angry tears.
Tears are falling down his face now too. He gets on his knees and grabs my waist. “What can I do? Tell me—what can I do? I’ll do anything. Please!”
I try to get out of his grasp, but he holds me tighter.
“We can get through this. I promise you we can,” he cries against my stomach.
I realize getting him to let me go will be futile unless I hit him on the head with one of the table utensils, so I gently grasp his face and make him look up at me. “We don’t have to do anything, and you don’t get to decide that. You decided to ruin us—everything we had, our family, our history, you decided that. I get to decide whether I can even consider the possibility of looking at you without seeing you as the person who hurt me more than anyone in my entire life.
“You have no idea how this feels, how badly I hurt. You can’t, because if you got it, if you understood, you would leave me alone. You’d know how much it hurts me to see you, to hear your voice as I look around our home and think about how you desecrated and disrespected the place where we built our family. And the very worst part of it all is that I was completely oblivious. I thought we were fine, that we were okay. I’ve been happy!”
“I’ve been happy too! I haven’t been involved with Lisa in years!” he shouts, and hearing him say her name makes my stomach churn.
I cover my face, trying to catch my breath.
“Is everything okay?” my son’s wife, Lauren, says from behind me.
“William was just leaving.”
His face falls, his expression crushed. “We have to talk about this.”
“I need you to go now! Right now, William.” My screeching makes even me flinch.
He glances behind me at Lauren, then he nods. “If that’s what you want.”
He wipes the tears from his face. I’ve only seen William cry once in his life besides today, and that was when his mother passed away. Now I have to squelch the instinct to go to him and hug him and tell him everything will be okay. A task made easier as my urge to lash out at him consumes me.
I'm obsessed with blowing kisses. I guess that makes me a romantic. I love books and cute boys and reading about cute boys in books.I'm infatuated with the glamour girls of the past: Audrey,Dorothy,Marilyn,Elizabeth.
I'm a self confessed girly girl,book nerd,food enthusiast, and comic book fan. Odd combination huh, you have no idea...